


A Universe The Size of a Waterproof Car

by SoftboySigma



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Carboys - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Makeup, Mild Language, Post-Break Up, Post-Carboys, shipboys, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-06-27 07:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15680355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftboySigma/pseuds/SoftboySigma
Summary: Vent drabble, Carboys AU. Griffin discusses his feelings about Nick trapping them together in the Time Vortex.





	A Universe The Size of a Waterproof Car

**Author's Note:**

> This was a short vent thing I wrote back in December 2017 as I was getting over Nick's departure from Polygon. 
> 
> It's not a proper fic. I'm pretty much just using the Carboys universe as an extended metaphor and Griffin as a mouthpiece. But seeing as how I still feel the same and I'm going to take the plunge back into Shipboys, it only seems right that this fic inducts this account. 
> 
> So! Don't expect much. This is what it is.

"Hey Nick?"

"Mhm?"

"...How long has it been?"

Nick looked over at Griffin from his place at the driver's seat. The air was cold, and the lights from the Vortex outside danced across his cheeks. Griffin didn't look up to meet his gaze. And after a pause, Nick's own eyes were pulled back to his hands on the steering wheel.

"...Nineteen weeks."

"You've been keeping track?"

"Kind of. I remember the date we got sucked in. And, uhm, my cellphone seems to be tracking time still, somehow. It hasn't run out of battery, but. I dunno. It's weird."

Griffin sighed. "Yeah, makes about as much fucking sense as anything else in here." He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, moving to tuck up his legs so he could rest his chin on his knees. Nick looked over at him again, prompted by the movement.

"...I'm sorry, Griffin."

"I know you're sorry. You've told me you're sorry before."

"I know, but..."

The idle rushing of air outside their car's window seemed to grow louder in the silence. Rushing air, dancing lights. Rushing air, dancing lights. Griffin was finally the first one to break it.

"...Nineteen weeks, you said?"

"Yeah."

"Nineteen weeks. Nick, in nineteen weeks, I... I think I've finally reconciled my feelings about all this."

Nick's heart jumped into his throat. "What do you mean?"

"Nick, I... You've told me you're sorry. You've, poured your regret out at my feet. Owned up to it. Admitted it. You've done all the right things as far as trying to make amends go. And I told you back then, I just need some time. Because the, the. The hurt that you did to me, and the people on the outside who can't find us. That's never going away. And I just needed time to process me and my situation and you and what you did."

Nick tightened his grip on the steering wheel and let Griffin continue.

"And in these nineteen weeks, I think I've done all the processing I can fucking do. And I just..." Tears started to roll down Griffin's face. "I miss you, Nick."

"Griffin, I--"

"I know you didn't do this maliciously. I know you didn't mean to hurt anybody. But I can't forgive what you did because my pain is permanent, _this_ ," he gestured widely out towards the Vortex, "is permanent, but I've had my time to be hurt and upset and mourn and now..."

Griffin took a moment to wipe his eyes. He didn't mean to get this emotional.

"Nick, I can't forgive what you did. But I've been looking at everything you've said and done while we've been in here and I know you're not evil, you're just an idiot asshole that made a mistake. And, I think... I forgive you. And I'm ready to find happiness in you again."

With a sharp inhale, Nick let his own tears fall off his cheeks.

"I don't deserve that, Griffin. I know I've been saying sorry over and over like I wanted a response from you, and I guess I kind of did, but I don't deserve that, I don't deserve that." His words were instantly tumbling from his mouth. "Griffin, what if I hurt you again? What if I drive us into some wormhole in the Vortex and instead of, just, quiet it's all _loud_ and _painful_ and bullshit worse? What if I--"

"That's what I'm saying when I say I'm ready," Griffin inhaled, trying to steady his voice. "It's not... I'm not expecting everything to go back to how it was like nothing happened. I'm saying that I'm ready to risk being hurt again if it means there's the chance to be happy with you again, similar, even if it's not the same."

"Griffin-- you shouldn't, you can't. Not for me."

"I want to. I've been sad. I've been hurt. I'm done with it. I'm willing to put my feelings on the line to see you be happy and better and be happy and better _with_ you. You're not evil. You're not evil, Nick. I've seen good in you and I know it's still there, even if you got weak and let that guide your actions."

"I'm sorry, Griffin," Nick whispered.

"I know... I know. But you've... you've suffered enough, too. You've been in the Vortex too. You've taken your punishment, you've said your apologies... I can't ask much else from you."

"...Are you sure?"

Griffin nodded, putting his legs back down so he could reach a hand onto the armrest between them. Tentatively, Nick did the same. Griffin's touch was warm, just as warm as it was on the outside, back when they held each other more freely. Back when the weight of time itself didn't weigh in their hearts.

"I've missed you, Nick. I've missed this. And..." He curled his fingers in a quiet assurance. "I... I need you to know going forward that I need to put myself first. I'm not... Like, I'm choosing, to let you into my heart again. But that doesn't mean I'm abandoning myself or the people on the outside. I'm not ignoring that or forgetting that or, even, excusing anything in the future. My choice to let you be close to me again isn't a choice to exempt you from my criticism. Just, you are part of my choice for my future, and I'm choosing to include you in my future as much as myself and everyone else. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Nick took a deep breath, "yeah, it does, it makes sense. And it's fair. I wouldn't feel right if you didn't. I want... I want the best for you. Even if my actions haven't shown it."

"I know, Nick."

"Griffin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Nick squeezed Griffin's hand, thumbing over his knuckles. "For... everything. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you."

Griffin pulled his hand away, and for a brief moment, panic flickered over Nick's face, too afraid to look anywhere but straight ahead. But when he felt a familiar warmth cupping his cheek, he turned to look and see Griffin's gentle smile.

"It's okay. I forgive you. I forgive you, Nick. We can start again. We can try together. Okay?"

Nick blinked, overwhelmed. "Okay. I'll... I love you, Griffin."

"I love you too, Nick."


End file.
